BULLYING IS NOT OKAY by Mary Elizabeth Anderson

I was at my 45th high school class reunion when a former classmate stood before the class and said: “I know I was the class dork...” The words stung.

I remembered the eye-rolling, whispering, and finger-pointing. I really didn’t remember participating in any of the bullying, but I admit I wasn’t innocent. I stood on the sidelines and watched. I remained silent. Students are bullied because of their looks, their quirks, their interests and their abilities. We bullied our classmate because of his looks and quirks.

Today we know that everyday an estimated 160,000 kids in the United States don’t go to school because of bullies. And, we know that three out of four American children will experience bullying sometime during their school years--either as victims, bullies, or as an uncomfortable bystander. We’re also learning about some dreadful things that can happen to kids “down the road “ if we don’t get bullying under control during the middle years. I found that adults have given wrong information to our kids for many years by telling them to ignore the bully. You cannot ignore the bully. You cannot tell kids to ignore it, walk away or stand up to the bully. It doesn’t work. The bully needs to be reported to a parent, counselor or teacher or some other concerned adult. The victim will not want to report this information, so a parent or another adult should do it for him.

Fortunately, my classmate was a survivor. However, he suffered unnecessarily throughout grade school, high school and his college years. It wasn’t until he was out in the real world serving as a commentator on the radio with his deep melodic voice that people stopped bullying him. He eventually married and became a father of two children. I am happy for him.

But for every one person who survived like my classmate, there are ten others who don’t. Many people don’t seem to know the difference between teasing and bullying. There is a huge difference. Teasing is humorous and an exchange between people. Bullying is hurtful, hostile one-sided intimidation.

Bullies have good and maybe, inflated self-esteem and some kids bully because they’re just trying to find their way in the world. I like to think this is the reason the majority of my classmates thought it was so funny to bully our classmate.

I never stepped in to help my friend when he was ridiculed. It wouldn’t have looked cool. What if they would start to bully me? It wasn’t until years later through the eyes of maturity that it donned on me how we could have ruined this classmate’s life.

One out of every ten students who drop out of school, do so because of repeated bullying. I decided I needed to get out of my self-imposed Pollyanna world and make up for my past mistakes by spreading my message. I believe bullying is the single biggest problem we have in our schools, and perhaps in our world today.

Mary Elizabeth Anderson is a professional freelance writer, a former elementary school teacher, and an adjunct writing instructor at community colleges throughout Nebraska. Her latest book, Gracie Gannon: Middle School Zero, concerns the topic of school bullying.